


Gone

by MiriamMT



Series: Gallavich OneShots (no smut) [17]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Carl Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich Friendship, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Mentioned Yevgeny Milkovich, Protective Carl Gallagher, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21658450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamMT/pseuds/MiriamMT
Summary: Ian knows, he lost everything good in his life, he ruined everything. It was just gone. Carl has enough of his whining and tells him, to get his shit together and fix things instead of crying.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich OneShots (no smut) [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1525730
Comments: 1
Kudos: 103





	Gone

Ian was in one of his moods.  
It wasn't mania, it wasn't depression, it was that weird state of his meds being adjusted and him going from sleeping to sad to completely emotionless to aggressive.

Right now, he was aggressive. He was angry.  
He was angry at himself, which was always the worst to be angry at while being sick and on not-yet-working meds.

It had become worse throughout the day. It had started off with mean comments and snarls. Then death glares and scoffs and getting up and leaving with no further comment.  
Right now, he was at the throwing stuff level.  
Lip had hurried Fiona, Debbie and Liam upstairs.

Ian was standing in the kitchen  
"Bullshit!", he yelled and threw a cup against the wall, "All of this is fucking bullshit!"  
"Ian, Ian calm down, what is bullshit? What happened!"  
"Everything!", he yelled at Lip, "Me! My life! It's all... Bullshit! Look at me, I'm sick, I'm pathetic, I don't have a fucking job, I could fucking die tomorrow and it wouldn't make a change!"

Carl was standing in the kitchen as well, he stared at his brother in panic.  
"My life doesn't even have any fucking meaning anymore!", he threw a plate dangerously close to Carls head, who duct in time.  
"What are you even talking about? Of course, has your life meaning, Ian! You're our brother, we love you, we wouldn't want you fucking dead!", Lip yelled back.

"You don't fucking get it? Do you?", his face scrunched up, tears brimmed his eyes suddenly and took a deep breath, his voice becoming softer, "Everything good I had in my life, every dream, every plan – it's all gone like... wush, gone"

Ian slid down against the counter and sat on the cold kitchen floor.  
Lip dared to walk over but stopped by the fridge looking at his curled up brother, so fucking sad, but yet too numb to actually cry.

"That's not true...", Lip tried.  
"It is... It's all gone. Army? Gone. High School Graduation? Gone. Mandy? Gone. Happy family with Yevgeny? Gone.", he made a pause and sobbed, "Mickey... gone"

Carl leaned over the kitchen counter and looked down at his brother, Lip looked at him.  
"It's not your fault", Lip said and crouched down next to the ginger.  
"It's my fault. It's all my fucking fault, because I was so fucking stupid..."  
"No, the Army? It ain't your fault, that you are bipolar... that disorder is the reason you can't join the Army, not you. Besides, it's probably better that way, isn't it? At least you're not dying in some fucking desert now, huh?"

Ian couldn't even smile about it.  
"I don't need the army. I... build a life without the Army and I ruined it. I ruined all of it...", now tears spilled out of his eyes.  
Carl walked around the kitchen counter and sat down in front of him.

"You're wrong", he said after a while, "Ruined means, that there is no way to fix it."  
"Yeah, why don't you just do your GED? Like Fi? Or maybe it's not too late to reenrol into high school..."  
"That's not what I fucking meant" Carl interrupted, "You've got Mandy's phone number and Yevgeny and Svetlana are living two houses that way. Did you ever even try to talk to Svet and get her to let you spend time with the kid again? She freaked out when you took him, but you were a dad to him that first whole year of his life. That's gotta count for something! Why are you crying, if you didn't even try?", Carl was fed up with the whole situation.

He had never said anything about it, because it wasn't his business, but the way Ian had acted when it came to those good things in his life had upset him a lot. Especially when it came to Mickey.

Ian looked up at his brother and rubbed his tears away.  
"There's no use in that..."  
"So, you won't even try? But you are willing to scream and cry throw things at us?"  
"I'm sorry", he cried again, hiding his face in his arms.

The three brothers sat in silence for a minute.  
"I think, Carl is right, Ian... call Mandy and make plans to meet her. Talk to Kev and V and Svet about Yevgeny. You love that kid, we all know that"

There was the last thing on Ian's list that lingered in the air, but no one dared to say it.  
"I like Mickey", Carl said after an eternity.

"I ruined things with him for sure. I broke up with him... I send him away when he only wanted to help..."  
"Yeah, you were an asshole", Carl nodded and he meant it, "You should've seen him when you ran away with Yev, he was devastated."  
"We were all surprised, that he even came back, especially after he saw you in hospital, that shit isn't easy to see. Remember when we visited mom in there for the first time? Imagine that but with your boyfriend. But Mickey stayed.", Lip remined him.

"You never liked him", Ian mumbled.  
"That's true. But even I have to admit, that he was good for you, in the end. None of us could ever calm you down and cheer you up like he could."  
"I never understood, why you broke up with him anyways", Car bit his lip. He had always asked himself that. He had always liked Mickey, imagining having him as part of his family was awesome.

"He was better off without me...", Ian mumbled, "I didn't want to see him being so hurt by me all the damn time"

There was another brief silence.  
Eventually Carl hit him in the back of his neck.  
"He better off without you? Mick's in jail"

"Ow, what the fuck, Carl?"  
"That's your damn reason? You let him rot in jail right now, because you visiting him from time to time would be... bad for him? Sit your ass in a damn car and visit him, you dumbass. How can you cry around about Mickey being gone, when you're just to lazy to go up to him? He's in prison not fucking... Mexico or something!" Carl got up. He had enough of this nonsense.

Ian just stared after him while Lip sat next to him with raised eyebrows.  
"You... you think he's right?"  
"About what? That you're an asshole, that Mick's in prison or that you should go talk to him? Because yeah, you were an ass to him, he cared about you more than I can even hope someone would care about me. And I'm saying that even though I don't really like him so much, I wouldn't want him as my fucking brother-in-law! But if you want him back, then yeah, get your ass up, go up there, talk to him, marry him, whatever"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later he knocked on Kev and V's door.  
Kevin answered.  
"Hey, Ian, what are you doing here?"  
"Is, uh, Svetlana there?"

Kevin lead him inside to Svetlana sitting with Yevgeny on the couch.  
"Carrot boy, long time, no see."  
"Hey, Svet... I was wondering... could we like, talk about something important... under four eyes"

She raised an eyebrow and handed Yevy to Kevin to leave the room.  
"What is wrong?"  
Ian rubbed his hands together. He felt better than in the past days, he always needed time to adjust to his meds, right now, he was almost good to go again.

"I wanted to talk to you about Yevgeny... I know, you don't want me to have contact with him after what I did... and I can understand that, really... but I'm better now. I'm medicated and you know, I would never hurt Yevy, I love him!"

Svetlana looked at him considerately and lit up a cigarette.  
"You want to be father again? Take care of Yevgeny, like you did before became crazy."  
"Yeah... please, could you at least consider it?"

"You say, you would not hurt baby, because you love him."  
"Yeah..."  
"You said, you loved husband. You hurt him."

Ian bit his lip.  
"You promised to wait, but I saw you fucking black guy – you do not keep promises. Why would you keep promise about taking care of Yevgeny? Husband and I, we had lots of fights, lots of anger, but he became better father when you was with him. He took care of baby, I liked that. I liked him. You", she pointed at him with the cigarette, "Hurt him."

Ian took a deep breath.  
Knowing all of this, was one thing. Hearing Svetlana, one of the people that damaged Mickey the most in his entire lifetime, out of all people, her saying that, was something completely different. It hurt him a lot.

"I know that", Ian breathed, "And... and I wish I could change things. I... want to go up to that prison and visit him soon... next week, actually... I want to talk to him, talk it out"  
"Talk out? Talk out what? He's in prison. For years. Because of your stupid sister", Ian bit his lip, "You ever realised? He only tried to kill her, for you. And little ginger girl helped, but Mickey didn't say, so she wouldn't have trouble. All to safe you and family. You are selfish piece of shit. I always knew. Knew it when you were at wedding and when you were at church for christening."

Svetlana stared at him angrily, while Ian let his head hang low, tears filling his eyes.  
"I know that you love Baby", Svetlana eventually said, "But you stole him, you hurt Mikhailo, you don't keep promises. Why would I trust you with my Yevgeny?"

Ian didn't know the answer to that.  
He sighed and a tear ran down his cheek, he felt worthless again. Svetlana was right with everything she said, he didn't even deserve having his family back, having his life and his happiness back: Mandy, Yevy... Mickey...

"I just...", he cleared his throat and looks at the Russian woman, "I just want to fix things. I just want my life back... You, Mick and me living in the house with Mandy and us taking care of the Baby... as a family"  
"Mandy is gone, husband is gone. Don't chase past, it was just a nice little dream of yours."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian lay in his bed for a week after talking to Svetlana.  
He had plans to visit Mickey, he was on the visitor's list for the prison.  
Mickey didn't know about it, Mickey didn't wait for him, he wouldn't let him more down than usual, if he wouldn't go.

Suddenly the door to the room was pushed open and startled Ian in his hopeless thoughts.  
"Why are you still in bed? Get your ass up, man. If you don't go now, you won't make it in time to see Mickey"  
"I'm not going", Ian whispered.

There was a brief silence between them.  
Carl had enough, he had enough of it for days and Ian kept pushing.  
"I'm not him, I don't have patience for a lifetime. You either get your ass up now or I chase you with the baseball bat all the way up to the prison"

They looked at each other and Carl was dead serious.  
Eventually Ian lost the staring contest and crawled out of bed.  
"You've got three minutes to shower and get dressed, you fucking smell."  
"We will be separated through glass, he won't smell it"  
"Baseball bat!" Carl threatened, so Ian took the quickest shower of his life. Lip drove him up to the prison, so the ginger couldn't change his mind halfway through again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Milkovich, Mikhailo"  
Mickey's head snap up in confusion. His name was on the list of people that got a visitor today. That was odd, he usually never got visitors. Or at least not without someone telling him about it before.

Svetlana would sometimes come over to tell him about a new job, people he had to kill in prison in order to get food on the table for his son. But most of the times, she would tell him some coded message over the telephones, so she didn't have to drive all the way up here. Mandy was in another state and his brothers had also better shit to do or were in prison themselves.

He stood in line with the other men in those ugly overalls and waited to be let into the visitors' room, with the plexiglass and the telephones Mickey despised.  
The visitors would always already sit there. The way they were lined up was the way the visitors sat in the room.

Mickey held his head low while walking to the booth that was assigned to him.  
Only when he had sit down, he looked up.  
He was shocked.

In front of him sat someone he thought he'd never see again.  
His hair was lighter and more orange than the last time he saw him, his fainted freckles were a bit more prominent on the way to pale skin, he looked thinner and he looked tired, like he hadn't properly slept in days.  
Ian.

Mickey couldn't handle all of the fucking emotions rushing through him suddenly.  
He jumped up from the booth again and took a step back, as if he wanted to run out of the room, away from Ian. The guards came closer and told him to sit down again, roughly pushing him down on the chair.

Ian watched in horror, how Mickey's tired out eyes widened at the sight of him and how he tried to get away from Ian. The Milkovich looked awful. Skin paler than usual, way thinner than before, he looked like he hadn't slept in days as well, and the worst part were the bruises in his face and on his knuckles.

They stared at each other, without really looking each other in the face.  
It took them forever to take the little telephones.  
"What are you doing here?", Mickey breathed out.

"I-I wanted to see you..."  
"Why?", he asked harshly, Ian flinched at his tone.  
"I... I miss you"

Mickey looked away. This was all too real, it was too much and too painful.  
He couldn't do this, he couldn't hear Ian saying that and he couldn't look at him.

"I came to tell you-"  
"I don't wanna hear it", Mickey interrupted, "No matter what you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

Ian's eyes brimmed with tears and he quickly rubbed them away.  
"I'm sorry", he said though.  
Mickey just shook his head, refusing to look at him, but he also couldn't bring himself on putting the telephone thing away.

"I'm so sorry Mick... for everything I put you through"  
"Stop", Mickey whispered.  
"I would change it if I could"  
"Stop it"  
"I wish I could change it, I wish I would've never broken up with you"  
"Shut up, shut up Ian", he whispered desperately.

Ian looked at him longingly.  
"I love you"  
It was the first time Ian had ever said those words to him. They burned in Mickey's brain, brought tears into his eyes, they felt like acid in his ears.

"I don't want to hear it", he blinks, and the tears fall down his face, "I waited for you. I had hoped, that you would come back to me, but you didn't. Svet told me about your new boyfriend, so why are you here? I'm trying to get over you, I'm trying to forget you and you gotta show up here just like that?"

"You mean Caleb? No, that's over for a long time already, I don't... I don't want anyone but you, Mick. I never wanted anyone but you. I just... I thought you'd be better off without me..."  
"You left me", Mickey whispered choked up, "I wanted you to be healthy and I wanted to take care of you, because I loved you and you... you left me alone. You ran away with your mom, then you broke up with me and then you left me here. And now, you grew tired of some other dude's ass and you think you can just come back here? Do you think, I don't have any goddamn dignity? An ounce of self-respect? That I always jump when you call, like a bitch?"

Ian lets out a shaky breath and thick tears roll down his cheeks.  
He went through a million scenarios of how this could end, but not ever did he imagine it being this bad.  
Mickey saw him crying, he loved him so much, still, he would never stop loving him and he knew that, but this was too much for him, Ian was too much for him right now. He cried at the sight of his love crying.

"I'm sorry", Ian sobbed, "I'm so sorry", he couldn't form any other sentence anymore.  
He felt the guards staring at them, but he didn't care.  
"I wish, I could kiss you, we've never been good with words, I wish I could hug you and show you, how much I mean this. I am sorry and... I love you, I do...", Ian put his hand on the glass between them and it reminded both way too much on their first time being in such a situation. When they were young, and everything was still possible.

"I don't want you to touch me", Mickey tried his best to stop crying and dry his face, knowing that he soon had to go back and he would be damned if the other men saw him crying, especially when they got he cried while talking to a boy, "I don't want to kiss you, I don't even want to see you, Ian. Never again. I can't do this anymore. The on and off, sometimes yes sometimes no, you were the one, who wanted a committed relationship and love and I gave it to you and it wasn't enough. I can't do this again. Trying to build up something just to have it ripped away from me again, what do you think, how often a person can bear that? How often can you reject a person and run away until they stop trying? I can't do this anymore."

Ian looked desperately at him, but the buzzer signalled that their time was up, and Mickey hurried to get up and leave the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian lay depressed in bed for weeks.  
At first everyone thought, it was the encounter with Mickey, and it was, but it developed into a depressed episode quickly.

And because none of the siblings noticed when one led to the other, it was really fucking bad this time. Of course, Lip would force him to take his meds whenever he had to so he would be better soon, but it didn't help.

Carl however was pissed.  
He wasn't sure anymore because of who exactly and if maybe it didn't had more to do with his girlfriend or school, but he also couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for Ian's current state.

The young Gallagher walked up to Kev and Vs house, he knocked at the door and charged in as soon as the door was opened.  
"You", he said to Svetlana, not too loudly minding the children around, "You drive me up to that fucking prison to talk with your fucking husband"

Svetlana only raised an eyebrow at him, fairly unimpressed by the small boy.  
"Why are you so angry?"  
"Ian is an idiot, Mick is an ass and they are both too stupid to get their fucking life together. So, you need to help me now"  
"Why me? Why would I do that?"  
"Because he's your husband and you're the only person that could get me in there"  
"Can't drive", she shrugged.  
"Good, Kev's taking us, you make sure I can talk to Mickey. Isn't it also in your interest to have your son's dads reunited?"  
"Why would I care about useless husband and crazy carrot boy?"  
"Because... I don't know, okay? My brother is lying in his bed half dead, Svetlana. How is Mickey doing?"

The woman paused and looked at him.  
"After carrot boy visit, he started big fight with idiot gang. Was put in single cell away from others for two weeks"  
"Great, so we can visit him again now. As in now, go, let's go!"

Kevin shot her a look and she mumbled something in Russian.  
"You start to sound like Mick"  
"We're family" Carl said sternly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Milkovich, Mikhailo"

Again? In a discreet moment he walked up to the prison guard.  
"Can you tell me, who is visiting me? Because, if it's an Irish ginger, I'm not going to talk to him"  
"It's your wife", he informed him, and Mickey sighed. That was weird, Svetlana usually called first and told him when she was about to come over.

He walked into the visitors' room and sat down across from Svetlana.  
"You look awful", she commented.  
"Thank you.", he rolled his eyes, "Why didn't you bring Yevgeny?", he looked behind her confused. The best thing about Svetlana visiting was that he could see Yevy.  
"Angry boy there forced me to come over", she looked behind her and Mickey followed her gaze.

Carl Gallagher.  
"What is he doing here?"  
Svetlana shrugged "Something about carrot boy being dead I think"  
Mickey looked at her shocked and panicked while she just got up and let Carl sit down.

"What's up with Ian?", he asked quickly, panic laced his voice, "She just said something about him being dead"  
"Calm down, dude. I said, he's lying half dead in his bed.", Mickey relaxed again and rubbed his eye, "He's depressed since he was here. Only lies in bed, doesn't get up. It's scary, man"  
Mickey sighed, "I didn't ask him to come here"

"I know, I did"  
Mickey raised his eyebrows at him.  
"Ian was adjusting to these new meds and... threw things around, all aggressive... screaming about how his life was meaningless because he lost everything good in it. Mandy, Yevgeny and you. He cried a lot about how he ruined everything with you and how you're gone, lots of bullshit. So, I told him to fucking move his ass up here to talk to you."

"Sorry to disappoint you, kiddo. But taking care of him isn't my job anymore."  
"You don't love him anymore?"  
Mickey bit his lip.  
"How old are you?"  
"Fourteen?"  
"What the fuck would you know about love, huh?"

"I know, that you didn't answer my question."  
Mickey sighed, "It doesn't matter, alright? He doesn't love me anymore... maybe, right now, he thinks he does. But he broke up with me, he made it very, very fucking clear, that he was done with me. I wanted nothing more than him being okay. And he punished me for trying. I can't do this anymore"

"He needs you", Carl said sternly, "He thought, he'd do you a favour by breaking up. He was out with our mom, she's a fucking crazy bitch, she talked him into this shit, for sure"  
"He trusted a woman that abandonment him more often than I'm willing to count, that put her whole family through hell with her disorder, that he didn't want to be associated with and that he didn't want to become, he trusted her to a point, where he ran away, ignored me and then broke up with me, because of the things she said. If that's his idea of love, I don't want it."

"He needs you", Carl repeated, Mickey looked away and bit his nails, "You, only you. You can help. You made him happy, you took care of him, you were his future and plans and meaning and all that shit he whined about. He hurt you, I know, but he's paying the price for that. He's hurting too. Now, one of you needs to stop acting like a little whiney pussy. And sorry, but that's not gonna be him"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian still didn't come out of bed. Lip had dragged him to the bathroom for his daily piss and weekly shower but apart from that he just lay motionless in his bed. As if his head was so heavy, he couldn't get up, no matter how hard he tried.

Ian felt like he was drowning. The voices around him were muffled, it was like he was under a wet blanket with cotton in his mouth. He felt completely numb and he couldn't do anything about it.

He wanted to scream and kick and throw things and cry, he wanted to scry so much, he wanted to bust Mickey out of prison and hug him and kiss him and fuck him and go on a date and beg him for forgiveness. But he just lay there.

He heard the muffled sounds of his siblings talking.  
They were fighting. Fiona and Lip against what seemed to be Carl.  
Ian pressed his face further into the pillow when he felt someone sitting on the bed.  
He heard Carl's voice, but he couldn't understand what he was saying.  
He eventually felt an object being put into his hands; a phone.

"Hey Ian", Ian's attention went to the phone, the voice was on speaker.  
Mickey.  
"What a fucking mess, huh? Heard you're having a shitty couple of days... yeah, I haven't been so good either. Seeing you threw me off, man, not gonna lie", Mickey exhaled deeply, "Alright, I only got 5 minutes to talk, so listen carefully, because I can only do this shit once a day, and telephone privilege is the first thing you loose in here and I have a tendency of fucking a lot of shit up, but you already knew that.", Mickey chuckled, Ian held the phone in shaky hands and held it closer as if he could be closer to Mickey that way.

"I hear you breathing, reminds me on when we slept next to each other in our bed in my house. You remember that? Loved that, man. Sleeping next to you, waking up and you're the first thing I see, I could've done that for years.", Ian's heart sank, "Doesn't matter, I still see you when I wake up sometimes... dream of you. I know, that sounds really fucking gay, but... You're under my skin man, the fuck can I do, huh?", Ian's heart stopped for a second at these words.

"Fuck, I should keep this talk light and happy. Fuck this, when you visited me, that was just... it reminded me on back then, when we were young and I went to juvie after that perv you fucked shot me. You came to visit me. You said that you missed me. It just brought too many fucking emotions up, alright? You know I can't deal with too many of those at once... I fell in love with you in exactly that moment, did I ever tell you that? I didn't realise it until much later, but... yeah, that moment, exactly that, you sitting there with that big ass goofy grin on your face after I threatened you.", Mickey huffed and Ian could hear in his breathing, that he tried to keep tears in.

"I don't know, if you know this, but... the reason why I was so... why I reacted the way I did... this Caleb guy once came to visit me. Your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, I don't know. He told me some shit that really... fuck man, I died hearing this. He said, you said, that I abused you. That you're a victim of domestic abuse because of me. That my idea of a conversation was to punch you and insult you before we banged. That was some heavy shit. My replacement is coming in just to tell me what a piece of shit I was."

"But I never did that. And that's the thing, I couldn't understand what he was talking about or why you were saying something like this, except that you must've really... really experienced it like this. It broke my heart. And I can't go through so much heartbreak the whole time, Ian. I know that sounds girly and I know it sounds pathetic. But I fucking love you and I'll never stop, and I'll always care about you and I would always do everything for you. But I can't do that if I have to ask myself the whole time, if I'm on the verge of being broken up with again or if you even want that, even want me, even experience it like..." Mickey was crying now, Ian could hear it.

"I can't do that, if I don't know if you even love me. And I just fucking... questioned everything we had and everything we archived and build over the last years. And I was in so much pain from questioning that because I thought, I'd never get an answer, so I thought, it maybe would be best to try... try to forget you. But it's not working.", Mickey exhaled a shaky breath, "Hey, I'm running out of time, so I need to wrap it up, alright? I'm sorry if it's my fault that you're depressed now. And just know, that I'm here to help you and that I would come over and take care of you properly if I could. Depressed or manic, doesn't matter. Sick or healthy, doesn't matter. Bipolar or not, doesn't matter. You're always Ian, alright? Always my Ian, that's the only thing I see when I look at you..." The call was cut off after that.

Fiona was still sitting on the ground with tear-stained cheeks.  
Lip and Carl hadn't moved either since Mickey's phone call had ended.

After several minutes the younger brother took the phone from Ian and put it on the night stand.  
"I'll get your pills man. You'll take them... for Mickey.", his voice made clear that the second youngest of the family wouldn't take no for an answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took another two weeks until Mickey's name was on the visitors list again.  
"Milkovich, Mikhailo."  
Mickey walked into the telephone thing room.  
A tired looking redhead sat in one of the chairs.

"Look at you. Out of bed"  
Ian formed a week smile.  
"You take your pills like you're supposed to?"  
Ian nodded.  
"Talking and out of bed ain't a good mix yet?"

Mickey had called him almost every day during the last weeks. After the first week, Ian had started answering, only with mumbles and little approving and disapproving noises, but it was at least something. Then he had started with one-word-sentences, then two words and three words and a noise, slowly working his way up to a coherent sentence.  
The first thing he had actually said was "Thank you, Mick"

"Your little brother is a stubborn little fucker"  
Ian smiled at him "Gallagher genes"  
"Yeah, that must be it", Mickey chuckled and smiled warmly.

Ian took a deep breath, forcing himself to talk properly, "Shit, Mick, I want to tell you how much I love you and reassure of everything we had and have and keep the whole visit fucking happy and alright right now and at the same time I want to explain the thing with Caleb."  
"I choose Caleb-thing", Mickey needed an explanation. The visit of that man had shattered him and shook him to the core. It had destroyed every single happy memory he has had.

"I'm an asshole.", Ian sighed, "I know, we already established that, but I feel like reminding you again. I broke up with you, because... my mom is a fucking cunt and she got into my head... and I thought, it would be better for you if you wouldn't have to be with someone like me. I'm still convinced that's true, by the way"  
"Yeah, because you're fucking stupid.", Mickey smiled "Fucking think, having that fuckery of a disorder would make me want you less"

"However, I... I said a bunch of bullshit to convince myself it was the right thing. I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn't good for me to break up with you, I had hoped it would be good for you. I tried so desperately to find every single flaw in you and our story and made a big drama out of everything. Even though I knew, that with just the tiniest bit of context, it would all make sense why it was the way it was and that flaws aren't a bad thing."

"What does that mean? You told him even more shit?"  
"Please don't get mad", Ian whispered.  
"I won't. Maybe I'll beat someone up later, but I won't let it out on you, promise."  
"Not getting mad and not letting it out on me are two different things"  
"Fucking tell me what you did, freckles" Mickey smiled, and Ian grinned and looked away, shaking his head.

"I uh, I said stupid shit about how we fucked a bunch of times before kissing for the first time. And I complained about us not going on dates"  
"Bullshit", Mickey exclaimed but smiled, "We've been on dates, Gallagher"  
"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, do you think I walk across the baseball field in the fucking moonshine with everyone? Trying to impress everyone with my pull ups after just being fucked, and we shared a drink. That was a total date. You even picked me up. Then, when we were on that rooftop and you made your ROTC crap, we build up this parkour and I helped you working out by shooting at you. You looked really hot, running around like that. You think I make all that effort just for a fuck? Date", Ian chuckled, "Then the sleepover, come on, how can you forget that?", Ian grinned widely at him, "Total date, and when you were working at that club and you dragged me to that one faggy party? Date! Fuck sitting down at restaurants and eating. I could spend a lifetime with you just eating junk food in front of the TV, Dates should be fun"

They both laughed light heartedly at their little adventures.  
"I love you", Ian chuckled eventually.  
Mickey looked at him through the glass.  
"I mean it. And I will wait for you, just to be clear.", Mickey looked away, "Mickey look at me, come on."  
"It's six more years, Gallagher, as long as I don't do anything stupid"

"I will wait. Every single day. Anything else wouldn't make sense because one way or another, we always seem to find back to each other. I will always love you and want you more than anybody else. No one will ever understand me and love me as much as you do. And I promise, I'll stay on my meds and I do my best to stay healthy. I'll wait for you. And visit you."

Mickey licked his lips.  
"Sounds nice. But, uhm, you can, you know, fuck others if you want to, until I'm out. Six years is... really long"  
"Fuck that. I won't fuck another dude. I'll just buy some sex toys and when you get out, I'll fuck you raw against the car, because that's how horny I will be. But you have to promise, to not do anything stupid alright? Six more years. A day longer and I burn the prison down to get you out"

Mickey chuckled.  
"Alright, I promise. We've got two minutes left, tell me again, that you love me"  
"I love you", Ian smiled, "More than you love banana pancakes and more than Frank loves being drunk and more than Fiona's taste in men is horrible"


End file.
